Focusing on the good things
I have several friends who are marriage counselors. I once asked one of them about an approach they use with couples who are going through struggles (as all couples tend to do). He began to give me a list of a few things he tries, but the one that stuck out to me most was what he called "The Good Things" list.
He asks each member of the couple to spend one week compiling a list each day of the good things about their partner.
He said, "I say to them, I know you know much of the good and bad about each other, but it's human nature to immediately focus upon the bad. So, for the next week, write down every good thing you know about your spouse and every good thing you see them do."
When I asked him what happens when couples do this and report back the following week, the results really weren't too surprising.
In most cases, he said, there were lots of tears, lots of smiles and even laughter. "It doesn't solve all their problems, of course," the therapist said, "but it does give them fresh reminders about why they got together to begin with."
We all see the good and bad in people and our surroundings every day. And, it is unhealthy to simply ignore the difficult things or the bad things around us. In fact, being honest about the challenges and even the evils we face is the only way those issues can be resolved.
However, my therapist friend's therapeutic exercise is important. By giving in to our natural inclination to find only the bad, intentionally listing the good things about a loved one, a workplace or even ourselves can encourage us and remind us of the good people and things around us.
In the Book of Philippians, the Apostle Paul writes, "…what is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things" (Philippians 4:8).
This passage does not invite us to be dishonest about the difficulties. Instead, it reminds of the importance of recognizing and acknowledging the good things. When we do this, our burdens grow a bit lighter and relationships can be renewed.
