Just in time for the Labor Day weekend comes this warning: Eating one hot dog can take 36 minutes off your life.
That’s right. Thirty-six minutes, a University of Michigan research team said.
The team conducted a study evaluating more than 5,800 foods and ranked them by their nutritional disease burden to humans.
The study also found that eating one peanut butter and jelly sandwich could add 33 minutes of healthy and happy living.
So by simple math, I could lose just three minutes of my life after eating one hot dog if I counteracted it by eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich shortly after.
I hate studies like these. How do they know to the minute how much time you’ll lose by eating something?
I could die in a car wreck or get shot and throw the whole study off.
And why do they do studies like this? Life is tough enough with the COVID-19 virus without adding food to the problem. So now we can’t enjoy a hot dog at a family gathering or baseball game for fear of taking years off our lives.
Researchers already have taken sugar, fat, alcohol and other tasty stuff off the menu. Soon the only thing we’ll be able to ingest is water.
And some say the fluoride in water can kill you. So the only healthy way to live is to not eat anything and die.
What are 36 minutes if you’re destined to die anyway? Take a terminal cancer patient and ask him what 36 minutes adds to his waning life. Is adding more time for pain and suffering beneficial to that person?
What can I do in 36 minutes that will make that time saved worth it?
I may be able to see the end of a three-hour football game. I may be able to watch a sitcom. Have one more romp in the hay.
But I can’t play a video game, play a round of miniature golf or read a book in 36 minutes. So how valuable is saving 36 minutes to my life?
Eating a hot dog at a family gathering or baseball game surely adds some minutes to life. Happiness has to count for something, too.
So enjoy your holiday, fire up the grill and eat some hot dogs. It’s living, too.