On a rainy New Year’s Eve morning, it was just my luck to see Bag-Head Jheri, the Messanie Street philosopher, walking across the Joyce Raye Patterson Center city parking lot.
He was in his usual attire, plastic hairdo bag on his head to protect his perm, and two trash bags of aluminum cans fastened to his belt. I should add he was his usual mouthy self as well.
‘Hey, Weston, do you have any New Year’s resolutions, brother? Gonna need some,” Bag said as he struggled to push his 300-pound frame across the parking lot.
“Only to be a better person this year than I was last year,” I answered.
“Brother, I hope this New Year brings more relief than headaches,” Bag said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“All this stupid stuff like Trump asking for $5 billion to build a wall he said Mexico was going to pay for,” Bag said.”I knew that wouldn’t happen soon as the last syllable of the lie flew outta his mouth.”
“I know, but people believed him and still believe in him,” I said.
“Building walls to keep people out is the 14th-century approach. Might as well build a moat too while you’re at it,” Bag said.
“But wasn’t it a good thing he backed the criminal justice reform bill?” I asked.
“I heard it ain’t retroactive if you got a 25-year sentence for having weed before you gonna have to serve the time. A lot of brothers still be locked up,” Bag said.
“I know, Bag. What about them Chiefs?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
“Dem bustas ain’t going to no Super Bowl, had home field advantage before and never went nowhere. Need a defense to win big games. I don’t care if you got Jesus Christ at quarterback,” Bag said.
“C’mon, Bag, can’t you be a little more optimistic going into a new year?” I asked.
“I know 2018 bummed me out. It was a long year like dog years, seven years of misery and bad news,” Bag said.
“What else ruined the year for you?” I questioned.
“Local stuff like the school district ain’t going to get a levy passed without a sunset clause. What kind of nutty thing is that? You can’t tune up daily operations with a sunset clause. They have a few good years to do something and the rest of the sunset time is spent campaigning,” Bag said.
“Holding up paychecks and daily operations with a sunset. People gonna have to get wise and learn we need to fund our schools, but at the same time, the district needs to stop wasting money. We see that.”
“How do they waste money?” I asked.
For one, they pay some outfit big ducats to do a survey to see if a levy will pass and don’t even follow the advice. Another thing, we just spent a lot of money on a long-range plan a few years ago with lots of experts and stuff so why do it again? And why is the district so top heavy? Have two or three executive secretaries doing what one secretary used to do?” Bag said.
“I hear that, Bag,” I said.
“And wassup with Salvation Army closing its doors to the homeless? Put more homeless men on the street. That ain’t Christian. They oughta use one of these closed schools and use it as a homeless shelter — lots of room,” Bag said.
“I gotta go, Bag,” I said, tired of the negativity.
“OK, brother, let’s hope things are keen in 2019,” Bag said, as he walked off on his daily travels.