Penny Adams doesn't plan on dying any time soon, but she has made plans for her own funeral. For starters, she would like the casket to be a very simple, unfinished wooden one, where friends could write

"send-off messages" all over it with colorful markers.

"Coffins are pretty, but they couldn't be any prettier than having your friends' messages all over it," she explains. "This would be like the last chance to say what you want."

The funeral flowers would be potted, not cut, she says, so they can be planted in a garden later. Then, there would be a party afterwards, "where everybody eats and drinks and dances: I love to dance, so everyone has to dance."

A generation ago, such thoughts might have been considered too morbid or irreverent to discuss. But Betty Breuhaus, author of the new book, "When the Sun Goes Down, Planning the Funeral of Your Life," has found these sentiments are changing, especially with baby boomers.

"They've always done everything their own way," Ms. Breuhaus says. "And they are going to want their own personalized funeral. It's the final celebration."

All too often, Ms. Breuhaus says, a funeral is anything but a celebration, "funerals you know the deceased would rather die than attend, with someone leading the service who has to dart a glance at notecards to remember the person's name." That's because it's all put together at the last minute under stressful conditions.

"You are trying to put together a major event in just a few days on the worst day of your life," agrees Eric Montegna, general manager at Meierhoffer Funeral Home and Crematory in St. Joseph. "I tell people, everyone wants a wedding to be perfect and a funeral to be done. But there's no reason that a funeral or memorial service can't be as personalized and as meaningful as a wedding or any other event."

Just like a wedding, however, it takes planning. Ms. Breuhaus includes a personal funeral planner at the end of her book. The idea is to jot notes on everything from possible funeral homes, cremation or burial preferences to life milestones, personal memories and humorous events you have shared with others. She also recommends a personal assessment. What things would you like to do before you die? What people would you like to say goodbye to? What are you most proud about?

"The wonderful part of planning it, as you go through the process, you reprioritize who's important to you and what's important to you ... all those things," she says. "It puts life in perspective."

And by planning it now, it becomes the ultimate gift to the ones you love.

Make It Your Own

A funeral should be a reflection of who you were, the people you loved, what you believed in, what you accomplished and what you did for fun, Ms. Breuhaus says. There is no limit to what you can do. Here are just a few ideas to make it the celebration of your life:

Start a file

Some funeral homes such as Meierhoffer Funeral Home and Crematory can start a personal file for you at no charge, even if you are not ready or wanting to prepay for a plot. They can store photos for your obituary and videos, a list of preferences, music and even clothing. If you do decide to prepay, the rates are locked in no matter how long you live.

Casket furniture

Want to get more enjoyment out of your casket? Casket Furniture out of Canada incorporates the casket into something you can use now, like a pool table or bookshelf. Use it now and after you pass on. Check out casketfurniture.com.

Keepsakes

Ms. Breuhaus holds a big birthday bash every year, featuring a popcorn machine, hot dogs and lots of red wine to drink. At her funeral, she hopes to have the same at the after party, including wine glasses etched with her birth date. "So they can toast me every year," she says.

Or if you plan to be cremated, how about cremation jewelry? Your loved ones will be able to keep you close to their hearts with necklaces holding a small portion of your ashes. You can even turn the ashes into diamonds (the cubic zirconia variety).

Celebrants

If you are not part of an organized religion, it doesn't make sense to use a clergyman who doesn't know you. A certified celebrant is specially trained to organize and lead the funeral according to your wishes.

"Ideally, people will leave this event not only having felt your essence," Ms. Breuhaus says, "but also with a new perspective on life and how to live it more fully and meaningful."

Lifestyles reporter Sylvia Anderson may be reached at sylviaanderson@npgco.com